When “I’m Sorry” Isn’t Enough!

When “I’m Sorry” Isn’t Enough!

FROM:  Suzanne & Steve

We would like to pass along some very important communication advice.  In a happy, healthy, conscious relationship sometimes “I’m sorry” just isn’t enough to resolve a hurt.  At times it just seems “too easy” and can even sound trite and insincere.  So our good friends and mentors, Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks, authors of the classic relationship manual “Conscious Loving,” suggest the following:

Ten Communications that Heal Relationship Conflict(note that none are “I’m sorry” or “I love you”)

1. I appreciate you for ___.  

2. I’m scared that ________.  

3. Even though I’m convinced I’m right, I could be wrong about _______.  

4. I’m thinking that what’s missing from our lives is _____________.  

5. I’m sad about my actions and loving connection with you.  

6. It sounds as if you are saying _____.  

7. This reminds me of ___.  

8. What I really want is __. 

9. What can I learn from this?  

10. Thank you for _____. 

Try these when “I’m sorry” doesn’t seem like enough to resolve a hurt.  Your relationship will grow closer and happier as a result.


Suzanne Kilkus, PhD

Suzanne Kilkus, PhD believes that being open to learning defines the ease of our lives. And that our capacity for giving and receiving love defines the depth of our lives. She delights in assisting couples and individuals in creating greater ease and more love in their lives and relationships. She lives, laughs and loves with her husband, Steve, in Madison, WI and can be reached at heartspace@charter.net.