Take Charge of Your Relationship in Six Co-Commitments

Take Charge of Your Relationship in Six Co-Commitments

FROM:  Steve & Suzanne

Are you in an intimate relationship with another person?  How is it going?  Are you doing everything you can to make it successful and satisfying?  Or do you worry about it?  Do you worry about how your partner feels and what he/she thinks, wants and cares about?  Can you do anything about it?  Well, we like to think that we can, but most of time we really can’t.   If our partner does not choose to tell us what’s going on then what can we do?  Well, here’s what YOU can do!  YOU can take charge of your relationship.  After all, YOU are the ONLY person you can control.  Really, you cannot control your partner’s behavior, right!?  You know that already, don’t you?  If not then believe us, it’s true.  So let’s focus on what YOU can do to make your relationship happy and healthy and as much fun as you can stand!

Here is a list of 6 co-commitments that contribute to a happy, healthy, conscious relationship.  Try these on for size and fit! 

1. I commit to closeness and to clearing up anything in the way of creating it.

2. I commit to my own complete development as a person.

3. I commit to supporting the full development of people around me.

4. I commit to being fully responsible for my life and experiences.

5. I commit to revealing myself, rather than concealing myself.

6. I commit to being happy and to have a good time in all my relationships.

Do you find yourself breathing a little faster as you read these?  That’s not unusal because these appear to be radical ideas, yes?  Well, if you can commit to these behaviors then you are definitely on your way to a happy, healthy, conscious relationship.  Think about it!

Now,  here is another radical idea.  Notice that we call these “CO-commitments.”  You might think that we want you to make these commitments to your partner (and vice-versa).  No, we want you to make these commitments to YOURSELF!  Say them one at a time to yourself and feel the feelings that arise when you do.  Can you commit to these behaviors in yourself?  And by commit we mean are you willing to work at making them true for you.  If and when you can, then find a partner who is willing to make the same commitments to himself or herself.  The goal is to be in a co-committed relationship.  That is where happiness lies.

Sound like an overwhelming task?  Is something like this even possible?  We say “ABSOLUTELY YES!”  We know because we live in such a happy, healthy, conscious, co-committed relationship.  We decided over 20 years ago to commit to this kind of relationship and we continue to work at it every day.  It is lovely!  And great fun!!

We are also committed to helping other people who want what we have.  Let us know if you would like us to help you.  Or check back here often.  We will write more about what you found here today.  Take care and be well. 

(GRATEFUL NOTE:  The 6 co-commitments are adapted from the work of Gay & Kathlyn Hendricks, our mentors and friends)

Suzanne Kilkus, PhD

Suzanne Kilkus, PhD believes that being open to learning defines the ease of our lives. And that our capacity for giving and receiving love defines the depth of our lives. She delights in assisting couples and individuals in creating greater ease and more love in their lives and relationships. She lives, laughs and loves with her husband, Steve, in Madison, WI and can be reached at heartspace@charter.net.