We have a meditation room in our house where we go to meditate or to find a quiet place for any number of reasons.  When we meditate, I sit in a comfortable high-backed chair and Suzanne will sit on the floor or on our futon on the other side of the room opposite my chair.  Yesterday we wanted to both listen to a guided meditation that Suzanne had on her iPod.  I moved across to sit next to her on the futon so we could both listen comfortably to the recording through our own earphones.

This was very different for me.  This was the first time that we had ever sat side by side during meditation at home.  We were close enough to each other that I gently moved my hand into contact with her thigh as we listened.  I was conscious of her warmth.  I felt a closer connection to her aliveness than I had ever felt before.  It was a direct flow of love between us.  I felt soothed, happy, and energized all at once. The feelings were delicious.  I savored the experience.

I opened my eyes once and noticed that we were both facing the window that looked out on the newly green trees out front and the blue sky beyond.  The joy that I felt at that moment was intensified by the luscious flow of energy that we were sharing in our practice.  I had an insight then and there that blew me away.

Suzanne and I are both inspired and delighted by the beauty in nature, especially when we see, hear, smell, and feel it in our everyday experiences right outside our front door.  We often note on our morning walk or bike ride through the shaded lanes along the shoreline of Lake Monona how lucky we are to live in such beauty here in Madison.  On mild quiet nights we are grateful for the beauty of the sunset and subsequent star-filled sky reflecting on the still waters of the lake.  How fortunate we are to be here together.  It feels right.  It feels good.

But yesterday morning sitting close beside Suzanne as we meditated together, I realized the connection between the beauty of nature and the beauty that is my relationship and connection with my soulmate.  I decided in that instant that it would be forever impossible to witness the beauty of the universe without seeing in my mind’s eye, heart and soul the beauty of my Suzanne.  Every time.  Ah, how wonderful!

FROM:  Steve Kilkus

Take a Walk—or a Swim or a Bike Ride

We don’t mean to turn your back on stressful situations.  That’s not particularly helpful.  But our point is that walking, running, bicycling, swimming, dancing, and other physical activities are some of the best stress busters around.  They are a great way to unwind and blow off steam. And brief periods of movement can be equally beneficial. In a moment that you are aware your body has become tense with irritation, your belly churning with anxiousness, or your heart hurting with loss, it’s a good idea to get up and move with the feelings. Dance a bit, open and close your arms around your torso in a self-hug, move the tight and tense places on your body in gentle shimmies.  This helps the feelings and sensations move through your body and any stuck thoughts move through your brain.  You will come out the other side often with greater clarity of mind for any choice you need to make and action you need to take.

Physical activity also has other, long-lasting benefits.  Consistent moderate to vigorous physical activity, for example, can lower your heart rate.  Studies of people who have lowered their heart rates have found that these individuals have lower heart rate responses during and after mental stress than people who have not been consistently active.  (Remember from our last blog that “consistently active” means moving for 30 minutes a day most days of the week).  In addition to reducing the physical response to stress, physical activity can improve mood and reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression.

Have a Laugh

Anything that makes you laugh also reduces stress.  A good laugh relaxes muscles and stimulates the production of stress-relieving chemicals in the brain.  Watch a favorite movie comedy or television show that is usually good for a laugh, or schedule to get together for conversation with friends you find entertaining.  In a study at Loma Linda University researchers divided volunteers into two groups.  One group viewed a 60-minute humor video and the other group did not.  Blood tests to measure biochemical changes in hormones involved in a person’s response to stress, showed that the video watchers had improved levels of the hormones.  This suggests that laughter may help reduce the harmful ways in which our body naturally responds to stress. Even in a highly charge crisis, a good laugh can reset everything for making choices that lead to positive outcomes.  We recently read an example of this.  A woman facing a life threatening illness described her experience hearing something about herself and her condition that struck her as absolutely ludicrous.  She started laughing and fell off the bed she was sitting on which led to her relaxing and clearly knowing what her next action needed to be.

These two ways of busting the harmful responses to stress are can be fun, will make you feel good, and can make the rest of your life, the best of your life.  Do it!

From:  Suzanne and Steve

That’s right!  Get up and get going!  Here are the benefits of regular physical activity (according to the Cooper Institute in Dallas, TX):

• Better weight control
• More energy
• Brighter mental outlook
• Increased self-esteem
• Reduced risk of heart disease, high blood pressure, and diabetes
• Reduced risk of colon cancer
• Less chance of colds and flu
• Healthy and strong bones, joints, and muscles
• Staying fit and flexible
• Living a healthier and longer independent life

Sound good?  Sure it does.  Let’s face it, if a pill could offer so many benefits, we’d all want to take it!!  But you don’t need a pill and for the most part getting moving every day doesn’t cost anything!!

So here is the recommendation for getting moving that Suzanne and I use.  To achieve and maintain the above benefits get moving a minimum of 30 minutes a day most days of the week. Walking is a GREAT way to move, any activity that gets the joints and muscles contracting is just as good.  How about dancing!?  And the activity doesn’t even have to be in one big lump of time.  Ten minutes of moving 3 times a day is just as good as moving for 30 minutes at one time.

For more up-to-date accurate info check out The Cooper Institute Blog at http://blog.standupandeat.org/category/Active-Living.aspx .  And get moving every day!!

From:  Steve Kilkus

In addressing a local reporter’s question about organic vs. non-organic foods, Bittman believes that the real choice is not between a head of broccoli and an organic head of broccoli, but “It’s between a head of broccoli and Tater Tots or a cheeseburger or a bag of chips or Cheez Whiz.”  He says “The first choice to make is to eat more real food.  If you want to worry about organic stuff after that, fine; organic stuff is probably preferable.  But the difference between not real food and real food is enormous….”  Cut down on the ”not real” processed foods.  They contain too much fat, too much sugar, too many chemicals, too many toxins, etc. and not enough nutrition.  He continues, “When it comes to your personal decision-making, the best thing you can do is not say, “I’m having an organic cheeseburger” but say, “I was going to have a cheeseburger, but I’m going to have rice and beans instead.”  And finally Bittman is adamant that you can choose to purchase and eat real food for little money at any local supermarket.  Just stay away from the highly processed “junk food”  and stay fresh, green, and whole.

Your body, mind, and spirit will recognize the difference in better physical, mental and spiritual health.  Eating real food can help make the rest of your life the best of your life.

From:  Steve Kilkus

However, the complexities of life can also feel more demanding of our emotional and material resources for us and our loved ones.  We can help ourselves create much needed stability and well being with some simple practices for brain and body health.

1. Simple meditation practice of 10-20 minutes a day focusing on following your breath in and out can have profound effect on creating ease and relaxation throughout the day.  There’s no perfection about this practice.  Just giving yourself the intention of following your breath and bringing yourself back to your breath when you drift away into thought trains your nervous system for calmness.
2. When faced with some emotional distress or challenge, take 3 full breaths of full inhale and complete exhale and then move your body around easily will help move your emotion through your body mind and rebalance your emotional state. This simple action resets your emotion button and refreshes or “reboots” your system.
3. Standing, feel your feet solid on the ground, gently jiggle or shake your body staying in a user friendly mode.  This gentle jiggling stimulates your energy and often gets what is stuck, unstuck.  We call this the cosmic jiggle.

These simple practices can lead to self acceptance, compassion, and gratitude, all significant aspects of a life well lived.

Dr. Weil concurs with our view and experience.  “I think moods mellow with age because people are more accepting of change and less reactive to it.  In addition older adults place more events in the context of their life experience, which smooth over rough aspect of character.

May you help yourself today create greater emotional ease, stability, and satisfaction.

From:  Suzanne and Steve Kilkus

“I’d like to make more mistakes next time. I’d relax. I would limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I’d have fewer imaginary ones. . . . I’ve been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute. If I had to do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.”

Nadine had something to say from the perspective of a life well-lived.  It is good that she felt like sharing her experience and it is good for us to listen to her wisdom.  In fact it is healthy for all of us—you, her, and me!

When you listen to others, you lower their stress levels and offer them a sounding board to solve their own dilemmas, according to Rebecca Shafir, a Massachusetts-based communications expert and author of ”The Zen of Listening.”  She notes research by Texas psychologist James Pennebaker showing that when people were given a chance to discuss a stressful event in their lives with willing listeners, their blood pressure decreased and their immune system strengthened.  Being heard also boosts self-esteem:  “We feel important when someone takes the time to hear us out,” says Shafir.

Listening is also a gift that you give yourself.  It strengthens relationships, which can have a powerful influence on health and well-being.  It also invigorates the mind:  Positron emission tomography (PET) scans reveal that blood flow increases to many parts of the brain during listening.  And it can revitalize your spirit when you’re ill.  In a 1999 study, five people with multiple sclerosis were trained to offer compassionate listening and support over the phone to other MS patients for two years.  These listeners experienced dramatic changes in how they viewed themselves: Self-esteem, self-confidence, and depression all improved markedly.

Here are five suggestions for becoming a better listener.  Listen generously!

1. Quiet your mind.  It helps to take a few complete cycles of breathing – a complete exhale all the way to the bottom of the breath and a full inhale – one so you feel your belly and chest expand.  Make sure your exhale and inhale and at least equal in length or have your exhale be a little longer than your inhale.  This triggers the calming branch of your nervous system and often will calm your mind in just a few breaths.
2. Talk less.  There’s a quote by Mark Twain that goes, “If God had wanted us to speak more and listen less, we would have been given 2 mouths and 1 ear!” Having an intention to listen generously helps us to stay focused and when we notice that we’re starting to think about what we can say, we have our intention to bring us back to listening.  This helps a lot.
3. Don’t interrupt.  One of the clearest indicators that someone isn’t listening  is interruptions.  This demonstrates that rather than listening, we’re thinking about what we’re going to say and then say it.
4. Don’t offer unwanted advice.  One of the most frequent things partners says about what they want when they speak is to be listened to – not given advice.  In fact, the advice is most often rejected and this often leads to conflict.
5. 5. Don’t let your story take over. It’s common to identify with what you are hearing and this is a way to connect.  But getting into the details of your own story can shut the other person down.  We can acknowledge that we identify with what is being said and keep listening, letting the other person know we are with them.  This benefits each person.

Happy Listening!

From:  Suzanne and Steve Kilkus

Mental flexibility is the ability to let go of the way you saw things when you were younger.  You need to change the perceptions and beliefs you were using in your 20’s and 30’s, so that by 60 or 70 you have an expanded, softer view of the world.  Dr. Ann Marie Chiasson, a Tucson-based integrative physician and energy-medicine practitioner, adds that it is crucial that you learn the ability to forgive and open up to things you may have closed after having a bad experience.  Suzanne and I recommend a meditation practice or attention training practice that neuroscience is demonstrating strongly supports a more easeful, less tense and anxious life.  Suzanne created a meditation cd that can be viewed and tried here.  Reading or listening to something that inspires your best self to lead you forward are important resources to have available.  Many spiritual teachers advise that we carefully chose what we take into our mind.  In a world filled with so much fear based information and sound bytes, we need to make sure that our media diet is nourishing and supportive of our hearts and minds.

Mental and physical flexibility are deeply related and affect each other.  To stay supple and release stiffness throughout the body, we suggest simple stretches, especially in the hips, to maintain mobility.  Sit cross-legged on the floor with heels close to the body or sit with your legs stretched out in front of you, then bring each heel toward your lap one at a time as close as is comfortable.  Maintain this position for several minutes while breathing slowly and deeply.  Try to do this daily, most days of the week.

It’s also important to not walk the journey of aging gracefully alone.  Identify and spend time with people who have healthy aging as a goal and follow their lead!!  This is an active and simple way to make the rest of your life the best of your life.

- Steve Kilkus

The root of the word “courage” is from the Latin “cor” meaning “heart”.In its original use it means “to speak one’s mind, by telling one’s heart”. This isn’t easy in the doing of it and when I am privileged to witness it, I feel deeply grateful for the offering that is given as someone tells the truth of what feels most vulnerable to them in the moment. It might be sharing a hurt heart, a fearful heart, or a heart’s deep desire. It might be giving voice to a long held experience that has been hidden away in embarrassment or shame. It might be the expression of an unexpected experience that touches the hole in our lives that we had given up ever filling. It might be admitting that we don’t know how to do something. Or it might be taking the step of putting something important to us out in the world (See below*).

Telling the truth about any of these takes courage. When given and received free of judgment or criticism, compassion blossoms. This opening forges the path of connection first to ourselves and then to others. (Brene Brown’s wonderful book “The Gift of Imperfection” describes this beautifully and I highly recommend it.)

So I hope that as you move through your life, you support speaking your mind to tell what’s in your heart with everyday courage and acknowledge all the ways you support the courageous steps of others.

*DRUM ROLL PLEASE………
I’m excited to let you know that I have completed my first meditation CD – HEARTSPACE MEDITATIONS FOR WELL BEING. I recorded these meditations to support the creation and/or restoring of your bodymind’s natural state of ease and flow. It’s in this state that you will open up to the love in yourself and the love all around you. As you practice them, you will develop greater friendliness with yourself and awareness of your life experience as it arises in each moment.  All of the meditations are appropriate for beginning as well as experienced meditators. Go here to my products page for all the information. And Thank You very much!

I’ve been thinking and learning about the emotional issues of money for the better part of 2 decades now. I recently completed a course studying and taking action on the limits that we place on ourselves with money, creativity, and manifestation.  These limits lead to distress, discouragement, and denial that we can do anything about it.  Discovering and challenging our limits can lead to a whole new relationship with money and with our own creative power.

I’ve created a workshop that will assist you in changing your relationship with money and stepping into the life you want to have for yourself.

I read a story recently about a man who wanted to clean his aquarium.  He filled his bathtub with water and put the fish there to swim while he cleaned the tank.  When he came back he noticed that the fish had stayed in an area the size of their fish tank even though they could have swam around the whole tub.  He found this very curious and wondered if we humans do that same thing.  We stay in the walls of our unconsciously imposed limits and don’t know that we have the power to access so much more – including the life that we dream about.

I know that many of us do this in our relationship to money because we view it as externally controlled or we think that there isn’t much we can do about it.  I know that I use to think that way and with conscious attention I have changed a great deal and created more freedom and greater ease to live the life I want.

I want to invite you to join me for this workshop.  I promise that I will do everything I can to assist you in making changes that will change your financial life.  The rest will be up to you.  Read more:  “Living Consciously with Money”

For example, something as simple as cleaning a drawer of old files or stuff can shift you into the space of self-directed control.   I spent a few hours last week sorting through and clearing out a couple of closets and cupboards in my living space of things that I no longer need or want.  Very quickly I started to feel lighter, more freedom in my thoughts, and easier in my body. I felt centered in my sense of personal power and control.   Standing in what I can take charge of creates a higher vibration of sweet humming inside and a tendency toward happiness and excitement.

I think that’s a great way to begin a new year.  I wish the same for you.